I used to be a People Pleaser. I am not anymore.
I used to care so much what others think of me, if they like me, if they think I am a “good” person, a worthy human being. That stopped in summer.
I used to (unconsciously) guess what will make others happy and satisfied with me, what actions or words of mine will make them think I am “good”, and then adjust my behaviour to fit that guess. Playing safe with others. Compromising the truth of who I am. What I need. And the crazy thing – not even seeing that I am doing that.
When it all shifted – I realised how much weight I have been carrying on my shoulders all this time. How much energy it took to guess, to change, to compromise. How that made me not “good” but fake, unsure, unstable. How it drained me – not only energy, but my power. How it deprived me of authenticity and realness. How, while I had a strong presence and focus in me, I lacked aliveness, playfulness and spontaneity.
The last three months showed me how, when I just follow my own Truth, I have more energy, including sexual energy. How people respect me more when there is no trying to please them. How, when I follow what I feel is right for me, it is right for others too. Always.
This mechanism of pleasing others came from my childhood, from trying to feel safe and secure. When we live all our lives like this, we stop noticing that we are even doing that. Seeing this pattern so clearly, so suddenly in my face changed everything. My life can be divided into before and after.
Do you have those patterns in you?