Packing for China and savouring memories from last night’s New Moon Tea Ceremony.
What came up last night in the sharing circle for me was that I changed so much in the last six months. I can see it so profoundly – big internal shifts. Stepping more into my power, concerning myself less with what others think of me, not doing something just to be liked. There is so much more playfulness, spontaneity, flirtation in me.
My trip to China showed me that really well. When I did a post on FB about it, saying that I am taking part in a commercial, there were loads of comments of support and love, but there were some that were far from it. There were judgemental comments, accusing me of many different things, some sort of shaming actually.
Previously, these kind of things would put me off balance for days, making me really doubt myself, my choices, my decisions. Feelings of guilt and shame and inadequacy would have crept in. And this time it was different – there was a strong feeling and knowing – YOU DON’T KNOW ME! You have no idea what my life is, what motivates me, how and what I feel, my core values and my truth. And there was a strong knowing of where I stand. But there was also a sense of allowing those people to be where they are and think what they think, without trying to change them and their view of me.
It was so amazing to observe it in myself, and I realised – wow, Lera, this is huge step for you. This is really HUGE. For YOU. There is so much more energy and power, when we follow our truth and really not concerning ourselves with opinions of others. Not caring if EVERYONE likes you. There is so much FREEDOM in this. And that’s what I feel recently a lot – freedom, connection, self love, playfulness with others. As if before I could not feel all of that because all energy was spent on pleasing others. What a relief!